few & far between

Here comes the much anticipated blog number two; a lovely rant written out of lack of understanding of societies values. In particular the expectation to be in a relationship with someone. Yesterday, my darling and un-named friend stressed that I required a boyfriend. What I don't understand is WHY? Sure, 90% of my friends are 'loved up', but having an official other half can't be compulsory... or could it be? AND why is this standard not applied to the boys, leaving them license to screw whoever they want, whenever they want?

Truth be told this singledom is of my own accord, had I known that it be compulsory to have a boyfriend I would have thought twice about being in this tight knit group. See the option is there, but I only am willing to enter into a relationship when I am 110% sure that the boy would be able to meet my extremely high expectations in a partner, which I am not going to list, but only very few fit this criteria, then there are external factors that become issues e.g. either he is taken or we are in the "friendzone" (Brander, 2006) and at this point in time there is only one boy that comes to mind when I think of dateable material but due to the circumstances listed previously mentioned hinderances, issues arise.

What I am attempting to understand is why when I attend family gatherings my aunties ask "So Tash, do you have a boyfriend yet?", and why my friend suggested it would be better if I had a boyfriend, or my other friend constantly knows someone that wants to meet me. I know for a fact that it's not because they are so happy and secure in their own relationships that they think everyone should share the delightful experience. Could it be they think a double date would be a good idea? I highly doubt they can sense my sexual frustration a mile away. Maybe they feel sorry for me, they don't want to brag about their successful relationships in front of me (and my few fellow single girlfriends out of about 12 ) and don't wan't to cause jealousy when we go out and 12 of them are in a couple and the rest of us are simultaneously 3rd wheels to every pair of lovebirds there?

[aside: i'm wondering why there is no word count on this, i highly recommend it www.blogger.com]

Firstly, I find it incredibly hard to belive that every single one of those girls is in the relationship they have always dreamed about, actually I know for a fact that at least a couple of them are having problems and these types of issues for me, I don't have time to deal with. There is enough on my plate at the moment without having to care for someone else as much as i care about myself (and my best friends of course), but a boyfriend is at a completely different level. Blame Walt Disney for giving me the wrong impression, but I won't settle for anything less. Secondly, even if i did have a boyfriend who is to say that I would want to doubledate, I mean, he may not like hanging out with them, which would inevitably lead to me hanging around them less and I know that I would be sorely missed by many. LASTLY, I would not be jealous if everyone around me was in a couple and i was on my own... maybe thats a lie.

AND the boy's. None of the boys in my group have a solid girlfriend, (obviously except for those ones going out with the girls), and they are idolised based on how many 'chick's they pull' in a night, on the other end of the spectrum if a girl did that, she would be labelled a dirty slut and put in the 'un-dateable' pile. "ITS NOT FAIR, and I THINK ITS REALLY MEAN" ( Allen, 2009). By no means am I saying i want to be out there with a different guy every week... thats dirty, but why are the standards different?

Fundamentally what I am trying to say is that everybody looks at relationships in a different way, and I believe that a person needs to be 100% commited to a relationship, and two people have to be compatible on a variety of different levels for a relationship to work. I WILL SAY THIS NOW AND NEVER AGAIN, I fear heartache, so I am not going to go into a relationship full well knowing that it is going nowhere and will inevitably lead to unnecessary heartache. And this decision should be respected by everyone, especially my friends.